What does one write for their first blog entry? I have no fucking clue. I tried googling examples, because I am one of those weirdos that google everything, and it didn’t really help. Since it’s the first entry, I guess I should just make it an introduction of myself and maybe add why I decided to even begin a blog. Well here we go! haha
My name is Yadira and I am 24, turning 25 in less than 2 months. Both my parents were born in Mexico. I have only one sibling, a little brother. I was born in Orange, California but have lived in Las Vegas most of my life. I currently work at a criminal defense firm and have my bachelors in Criminal Justice. I have a couple of people that I have known for over 10 years that I consider my best friends and sisters. Y’all will definitely learn more details about the important people in my life as I write more blogs. For now, this is introduction enough. If you want to learn more details about me, click on the About Me section above!
Now why did I start a blog? That’s going to require a bit of an explanation. Promise I won’t make it too long.
Ever since I could remember, I have always felt that people expect so much of me. This started when I was a kid. I felt the immense pressure to do well in school so that all my parents’ hard work and sacrifice would not be in vain. They both immigrated from Mexico and worked up to 3 jobs a day so we would not be forced to go back to Mexico where there was no future for my brother and I. Don’t get me wrong, pressure can sometimes have good results. For example, I graduated high school with high honors and eventually college thanks to my parents pushing me. But most of the time, pressure can be overwhelming.
Towards the end of high school I started to grow resentment towards my parents. I was ready to live my own life and stop trying to fit their mold of the perfect daughter who would “save them.” I started to plan the places I was going to travel and was even thinking of taking a gap year. But then shit hit the fan when my father was deported on my 18th birthday. It suddenly turned from only being months away from leaving home to having to take care of my family. My dad was the sole provider since my mom had hurt her back a few years back and was disabled. My brother was also young and focused on school and engrossed on following his soccer aspirations. So, as the oldest, I was expected to step up, yet again. The next few years were tough, but thankfully I had a great job and I was able to continue studying. Then, 2 years later, at the age of 20, I fell in love. A year into our relationship, we moved in together. At this point, my brother was 18 and I selfishly left him the burden of being the head of the household. Looking back, I did to him exactly what was done to me and for that I am forever sorry.
My relationship was pretty great. We had our rough patches, but every couple does. It was an amazing 5 years filled with love and amazing memories. I have never loved someone as much as I loved him. It was an amicable break up (more on it in a later post), so we had no hard feelings towards each other at all, but that didn’t make it any easier. After the break up, I convinced myself I was fine. I started doing things I wouldn’t normally do. Until one late night, it just hit me. I felt lost. I had grown accustomed to taking care of others. I had gone from caring for my parents, to caring for my boyfriend, to all of a sudden not having anyone to take care of. I felt alone. As if I had no purpose.
After what seemed like weeks of intense crying and nights of just not being able to sleep because of the thoughts running through my head, I realized something; I have always been busy taking care of others, but never have I taken care of the person who actually matters, ME. What happened to that girl that had the traveling dreams? The girl that wanted to make a difference in the world? What happened to the girl who was learning to love herself and her imperfections? I realized that I needed to do something to bring that girl back. So what did I do? I made a list. I started listing the top things I wanted to do before life got in the way. And yep you guessed it, blogging was on that list. I have always felt that I am able to express myself and my feelings more clearly through a pen and paper (in this case a computer and keyboard). Since all the other things on my list require a few more steps, I decided that starting my blog would be the simplest goal to accomplish first. Blogging will give me an outlet to just convey how I feel and help me through this whole process of finding myself, hence naming my blog FINDING YADIRA.
This blog is a step in the direction towards self-discovery. I am finally doing something I have wanted to do. I am finally thinking of myself. This blog is not going to be all about my feelings, so don’t worry lol. It will be also be about my experiences. I want to write about all the beautiful places I have visited and all the amazing places I will be visiting. This blog is also going to be about my opinions as well. If you really know me, you know that I have strong opinions about pretty much everything and that I am a very PASSIONATE person when it comes to the things that I believe in. The reason I am making my blog public is because I want to stop caring about what people think. I want to stop being apologetic for feeling what I feel. I hope y’all enjoy the posts I share, and if you don’t, well then don’t read :p
"Sometimes the only way to ever find yourself, is to get completely lost."
-Kellie Elmore
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